My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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