Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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