Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
