some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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