Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize