when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize