so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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