So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
