I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We are two peas in an std pod
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
