hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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