Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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