We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Alive.
So much puke
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
