OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize