I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
