the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm both gender and math confused
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