I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
