What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
