you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
