If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
