Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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