my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize