He uses pillows to masturbate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
