hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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