If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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