Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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