Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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