never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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