where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize