we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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