You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
