Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
