Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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