I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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