I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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