On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
sex in a hospital.. check
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
