So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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