And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
