well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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