38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
