I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
