You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
