I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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