Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
