You really coming over, don't trick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
