I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
