that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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