____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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