Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
