Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Two words: nipple clamps
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