DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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