I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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