i think my tv is drunk
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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