I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
