Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
