you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
