TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
