Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
