remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
