it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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