mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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