I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
