He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
