Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
