I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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