we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
