Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
