There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
