Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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