i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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