dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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