i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
