Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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