you told grandpa to call you daddy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
